life with you...

about time... (or why you're my favourite, cont'd)

5.  I watched as YOU walked away when we parted today...  It's another one of my favourite things.  Not the walking away bit, but watching YOU walk.  It's an even, graceful, grounded, and solid walk.  The way your hips move just slightly with your step to take YOU fromhere to there.  It's not like any walk I've seen.  It's distinctly YOU.  I remember looking out the window on Cambie street, during those new months, as YOU returned from the gym in the morning, and seeing that walk, really seeing that walk for the first time.  I smiled as I recognized that detail of new love in that moment, and I'm still smiling today, ten years later as I watch YOU go

...but today as my eyes followed YOU, YOU turned... and I found a new favourite thing...

I saw not only the face of my Beloved smiling back at me, but also your bright, bright eyes.  There's a new spark, like when YOU sit next to the window at a cafe, and the sun streams in at just the right angle, and your eyes light up with the entire glow of the sun contained in them, the same bright, bright eyes that looked across the table at me and silently said to my unspoken and as yet unrecognized but ripening YES to the Universe

I know...
there's supposed to be three of us now

human shield

When our child looks back on their youth, their life with us, what will they think? Will they think that I was good Father, that you were a good Mother? Will they love their childhood and our family for all its experiences and opportunities, or find bitterness at the wrong turns we take while trying to find our way? And as they grow will they, like me, strive to accept that life is a combination of all things: hope and despair, joy and depression, laughter and anger, love...

What will they think when they look back at a childhood full of all of these elements -- when they think of the times when things weren't only great and amazing, but frustrating and difficult?  What will they remember of me when they think about the times they were badly hurt, whether it be from falling off a bike or having their heart broken for the first time? If they can remember only one thing of their relationship with me during those times, I hope it's this:

"Long I was hugg'd close -- long and long." -- Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

so far, so very very good

Morgaine...

Years ago, if I had been given the opportunity to plan out my life with you, in retrospect it would have looked much like this:

When we met for the first time, I would announce that we were going to be great friends. As time slowly flowered, we would both be surprised to find this statement to be true. And as we became closer we would find that 'friend' was no longer an adequate description of our connection.

Then while still on a student budget, we would manage to swing a trip to someplace romantic like the Czech Republic, where we would spend our days wandering through museums and galleries, and our nights listening to some of the most wonderful music we'd ever heard. On that trip, we'd realize that everything we saw and touched and tasted was so much more amazing simply because the other was there to experience it too. And so, in a dark and particularly exotic tea house on another continent, we would decide to experience the rest of our lives together.

We would continue to grow as individuals in wisdom and spirit and joy, and as partners, supporting each other through difficulties and celebrating the wonder of each other and the world around us. And then the most wondrous thing of all would happen... we would welcome a new member of the family, a new being to share the wonder of the world with all over again...

That's pretty much how it's been so far. And I wouldn't have planned it any differently had I been given the opportunity. But since things never go as planned, I'm glad I never got the chance...

27 weeks...

YOU're on the other side of the camera for once. and it's just YOU and little you and me and the wind and the grass... no wonder i'm so happy.

it's about time...

to actually sit down and say something about all of this (even though being married to a writer has only increased my belief in my ineptitude with words)... about YOU and me and the next one to add to our mini list of MOST FAVOURITE PERSONS IN THE WORLD. it's easy to talk about why YOU're my favourite. it's an endless list that might start off like this:

1. YOU're the silliest person i know, which means several things like the fact that i get to laugh a lot and shake my head while smiling and go from having a normal day to a great day in seconds, but best of all, it means i get to be silly too. it's permissible, and in fact recommended behavior in the face of your daily doses of hilarity.

2. YOU just brought me a cup of tea and two pieces of miso and tahini toast... right after i was thinking that it would be nice to have a cup of tea and some toast... this happened after YOU made me breakfast this morning, a healthy and tasty breakfast, for about the 5000th day in a row. i feel nourished and loved...

3. YOU're about the most selfless person i know, which is amazing, and sometimes makes me feel like i can't possibly live up to your sainthood. i've witnessed it about a million times so far... and that's just the first 10 years of our shared time this go-around... YOU might be holding two freshly baked scones that YOU've just pullled out of the oven and YOU'll briefly assess them and hand me one of the plates. if i look closely, the one on my plate might be slightly larger, or more perfectly shaped, or visibly have more apricot chunks in it... and so this is the one YOU decided i should have. this approach is used in all situations and i feel cherished...

4. this list will be LONG... and we've got time... so i'm going to add to it along the way... but it feels something like this right now... and i couldn't be happier to be welcoming a child with YOU... i hope they inherit some of these amazing qualities i've found in YOU.